Fit to Be Thai'd

We just left Phuket (which is pronounced “Poo-ket”) Thailand and wow! did we ever have a good time there. It’s a small island off the southern coast of Thailand and it’s well-known for two things: great beaches and the horrible tsunami that came through here a few years ago. Everything’s been pretty much restored, and they don’t like to talk about it much since tourism (and rubber-tree plantations) are about the only source of revenue here.
As far as tourism goes, these guys have it covered. There are posh and not-so-posh resorts, animal “safaris” (their word for animal parks), all kinds of temples and shopping (especially what they refer to as “copy brands”—in other words, knock-offs) and so on.
We went to Island Safari, an animal park with all sorts of jungle animals. It was the proverbial “lions and tigers and bears, oh my!” But of course there were no lions, tigers or bears. Instead, they had elephants, monkeys, gibbons, water buffalo, and oxen. It was a nicely-run place with the animals doing a bit of work for a LOT of food. It’s one of those places where they manage to get the tourists (ourselves included) to buy the food so we can feed the animals (saves them a lot on food costs, and provides the tourists with many photo ops)—in other words, a win-win arrangement.
We started off with a bang—riding an elephant. I was glad we started with the “big guns” activity because as the day wore on, the temperature shot up to something like 97 degrees F. and about the same number for humidity. Unbelievable hot, especially in the jungle, and the animal “aroma” was pretty intense.
Next we went to a monkey show where the monkeys seemed to be willing to do whatever was asked of them (pose with the tourists, shoot a little basketball into a hoop, do the Thai greeting—palms pressed together in front of the face and then a little bow—ride a tricycle) whatever it took to get the food. The look on each of their faces was priceless—the equivalent of a bored teenager saying, “WHATEVER.”
Then we went to the “Baby Elephant Show.” The babies were between the ages of 4 and 10 years old. They weren’t as large as the elephants we rode, but pretty darn close. They did little tricks (stand on two legs, do a headstand, shoot a soccer ball into a goal, and so on) and then it was time for the “Elephant Massage.” We thought the trainers would come in and massage the elephants. Oh no. We got it wrong. The elephants were going to massage US. So, one by one we laid down on a little mat on the ground (in the dirt) while the elephant put its foot on our back and patted us. I can’t even imagine what might happen if one of these many thousands of pounds elephants decided they didn’t like you. “Squish” would be the operative word.
The funniest part of the elephant massage was that the elephant took the opportunity of having you in a totally vulnerable position to “lick” your face and neck with its trunk. Really gross. Those trunks are wet. You stand up afterward feeling like you’ve just had a“snot facial.” But, it was all in good fun.
We did some other stuff there—Thai cooking demo, ox cart ride, photo op atop a water buffalo, and seeing how they tap the rubber trees for latex. It was a full morning—especially in the insufferable heat.
Then it was back to the ship. But first—the ubiquitous shopping experience. No tour is complete without a stop at a local “souvenir shop” to unload you of some of those dollars burning a hole in your shorts. This one was mammoth. I’ve never seen such a huge souvenir store. Two floors of jewelry, house wares, purses, clothing, food, you name it. We bought some cool chopsticks and called it good.
We really enjoyed our short visit here. The people seemed truly nice and it’s a Buddhist country so everyone seems pretty calm and laid back. We agreed we’d definitely come back for a longer visit if the opportunity ever presents itself.